Tag Archives: relationships

On Relationships

26 May
We’ve all heard of this one; the ideal relationship that for a number of varied reasons didn’t work out. 
• The relationship developed into a long distance one
• Work got in the way
• Right persons, wrong time
• He wasn’t ready to commit emotionally (or you for that matter aren’t)• Your parents doesn’t like him / His parents doesn’t like you
• Situational divides (career/racial/ethical/spiritu al barriers)

Relationships like that can be summed up in one phrase: THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

The one that got away is lost to circumstance every time. It isn’t a shortage of love that kills it, but the inability to sustain it. One might call it altruism. Letting a person go not because it’s fair but because it is what’s right. One might say that being noble and releasing someone from the ties of a relationship when you don’t want to is the ultimate gift of grace. I call it emotional euthanasia. Selflessness… for now.

And that is what makes the one that got away so infuriatingly unforgettable. Because, at the back of your head, a window opens exposing a “could be” view of a future burning with so much potential. The “what if’s” eat at you because the fact is, that this guy… he wasn’t a jerk. He listened to you, made you feel special. You could even say that without a doubt he even liked you (and maybe even loved you).

But then a reason stepped in and thwarted all that wonderful potential. 

People see the one who got away as a “soulmate.” From what I’ve heard, a “soulmate” is the one true love that has been destined for you before you even came into existence. (Think “Born for you”, the yin to someone’s yang, two sides of the same coin, the one answer to all the queries in your heart). Every hackneyed, overused, clichéd lyric and corny romcom embodied in a single person.

Well… Here’s the thing: Bull. 

Hey, I have always been a hopeless romantic (sighs and cries at weddings, loves early morning walks, gushes over beautiful photographs,). But in spite of all that, I don’t believe in soulmates. “Why?” People ask me. Well, my problem with the whole soulmate thing is the thought that if you miss the right person or they got away (and didn’t come back) is that then you are screwed. Finding happiness will always be elusive. Second rate at best. Sigh. That’s really just depressing and strengthens my conviction that the whole “you are my destiny” institution is a stupid one.

I believe in the infinity of God’s creations. Meaning, there is not just “the one.” There are a lot of people you can have wonderful chemistry and “sparks” with. People with sincere hearts who can love and grow and stay. At times, they fit into your ideal. Sometimes they don’t. 

I love how Monica said it in FRIENDS. 
“Monica: I don’t believe in soulmates either.
Chandler: You don’t?
Monica: No. I don’t think you and I were destined to end up together. I think we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we really work hard.”

With some, the relationship comes oh so naturally…… and still, with others, you have to work hard. What I’m getting at is with either two, the happy story is possible. Romantic potential holds no bounds. “Love is like a bus. If you miss it, another one comes along.” Yeah, it’s corny… but infinitely more romantic I would say. It means that you will never run out of chances for love. The choice of starting over and finding something that lasts will always be there.

So… No destiny2x. No kismet. No fate. Definitely no serendipity. You get to choose your one person. And if you got two people who are willing to give things a shot and press on even when things get difficult, the chances are that it will work.

And when it comes to the one that got away……. Let them go. Silence the for nows because the future is immense and the world is big. Unbolt your heart to the chance that the one can be found in many places at many times. At this moment, you might not be able to envision an even greater relationship than the one that you lost but God’s infinite creativity is at work out there promising that love is possible. Anywhere. Over and over. Always. Choices too are a gift of grace.